internal strength against external forces

I happen to think that I am pretty centered. I know who I am, I like that person, I am aware of my faults, and either except them or try to work on them. I happen to be pretty confident in my choices too. I don't always take the usual path, but I'm certain that the path I do take is the right one for me at the time. Most of the time, all is good, life is grand!

What about the other times?

Most covers a lot of the time, but sometimes I do let external things break through and get to me. And let me tell you, I am not always so great at handling things when that happens. I tend to think that people make decisions because they either don't like me, or they want to hurt me, or something, but in my slightly self centered brain, it has to do with me (yes, I do think that I am slightly self centered, but I count it as both a strength and a fault). But the truth of the matter is, everyone is slightly self centered, and when people make decisions about things, they are generally doing them from a place of self, and generally has very little to do with their feelings about me.

The big problem here is that once there is that once I let just a little bit of doubt in, I tend to doubt everything and my brain spirals from there. Questioning everything that I do that might be a bit unique, off the beaten path, and outside of what most people would consider normal. And this doubtful questioning isn't from a rational place of re-evaluation, it's from an emotional place. It's that insecure girl that decided to fake confidence one day that still lives inside the confident person that she grew into. (yes people, fake it till you make it works! As do positive affirmations and self praise)

Yesterday I broke. I heard something that was said to me in a way that it wasn't meant. It was like it pulled at a thread of my sweater, and from there the sweater just unraveled completely until I had time to really digest the whole situation over a run. Running really is therapy, though it helps to have some amazingly supportive running buddies.

This post is half a reminder to my self to not take everything so personally, to be confident in the choices that I make that work for my life, and to remember that I can be as strong on the inside as I appear on the outside, I just need to work on it, and maybe half an apology.

the art of asking for what you want

My mom gave me a hard time a couple of months ago because I asked to borrow her car for a date (I was later bailed on and the date never happened, it was all for the best and that point is moot). Anyway, my mom couldn't believe that I asked. She thought that I was putting her in the position where she had to turn me down and then felt like I had guilted her into feeling bad. I kinda saw her point and felt bad that she felt bad (oh no, are we entering a guilt spiral!), but only because she felt bad.

I explained to my mom that rather than wishing I could borrow her car, I decided to ask. No one ever gets what they want by wishing. You get things by asking for them. I was fully prepared that she was going to say no, but the risk was worth it on the outside chance that she might say yet. Now, this only works if you are prepared to hear the word 'NO'. And if you really want something, you have to be clear about your wants and expectations, and be willing to compromise.

It's worth taking the risk of asking for what you want sometimes. Because, sure, my mom said no when I wanted to borrow her convertible for a date, but she said yes when I asked to drive it over Memorial Day weekend! Though, she wanted to borrow my car then... ;)

it's starting to look like a grown up lives here...

I recently got a new bed. By recently, I mean 2 days ago. And by got, I mean that my neighbor bought it and traded me for my four poster bed. I really like my new bed frame and the way my room looks now!



I picked up the mirrors at Home Depot yesterday for $5 for a set of four. They were marked down from $19.99 per set! I think I need to do something more to the wall, but I think it's a great start. I mean, first keeping my room clean was the mission, now it's time to live in style!

Book Report: 'The Art of Racing in the Rain'

author: Garth Stein
recommended by : Michelle, food blogger at http://thatssomichelle.blogspot.com

I love dogs and this book totally appeals to the dog lover in me just with its cover art! The entire story is being told from the dog's (Enzo) perspective, and at first it seems cute and novel. But as you get into the book you think of Enzo as more than just a dog. It's an easy read that isn't simple in the slightest. I know I'm being vague, but the story is so good and I enjoyed reading it so much, that I wouldn't want to take that experience away from anyone! Not only is the interpersonal story just wonderfully emotional, tugging at all the right heart strings, but the auto racing parts are interesting and different! This is a book I wish I could read for the first time again!


A must read! The Art of Racing in the Rain

when did that happen?

I find myself saying things like I don't cook, I'm not a good cook, I don't really know how to cook all the time. But I am not so sure that is exactly true. In fact... it may be a straight up lie. I realized it when I was making dinner two weeks ago and prepping for dinner for a picnik. I said "look at all this food, and from someone who doesn't know how to cook." I was met with the reply that apparently I do know how to cook, and a compliment at the end that it was delicious.

We enjoyed what we ate and no one got food poisoning... so maybe I should start giving myself credit for the things I can do.

"Do or do not, there is no try" - Yoda

time flies

They say that time flies when you're having fun, but I actually think that the opposite is true and time flies when you are living life. You know, you wake up on Monday, go to work, come home, unload the dishwasher, do a load of laundry, grocery shop, and before you know it, it's Thursday afternoon. The next day you sing Rebecca Black's song, Friday, while you get ready for work, and when 5pm hits, you're ready to party.

It seems like regular weeks just fly by.

But for some reason, vacations seem to last forever. Well, they seem to last forever until they are over.

My 4-day weekend seemed to last forever, until yesterday when I was wishing it had been a little longer. But this week has seemed to fly by and now my trip to Europe is right around the corner! But in my classic fashion, the next 6 days are jam-packed with work and fun!

windmill

My mom is the second youngest of seven kids (Irish Catholic). She tells a lot of funny stories about growing up and it seems she has a silly name or story about nearly everything. We have a name for the space between two couch cushions (or between a bed and a wall or headboard), the paplukie hole (also see kerplukie hole as my cousins pronounce it); I have the privilege of knowing what a 'watch bird' is; and I know never to 'Jean the bowl' when baking. But most of all, I have a name for the tall glass of cold water that you crave the morning after staying up a bit too late and possibly drinking a bit too much.

That's right, it's a 'windmill'.

Apparently when you are the second youngest in a family of seven, it means that you are the willing slave to the eldest. So my mom's oldest brother, who was in high school at the time, would ask his elementary school aged sister to bring him a windmill on weekend mornings. Just for reference, my mom also calls a glass of ice water CIWITW - coldest ice water in the world.